Figuring it out

I've had a week to let things settle in my head about the boy vs girl situation. Yeah.. I still stand on what I said about not having a clue how to relate with and raise a boy... but after thinking about it for a while.. Boys really aren't so bad. They can be really quite wonderful as long as they are brought up right and not let them become little beasties like the boy in our building. I'm excited now. I really am.

I also started to think deeper about my concerns. I still have this concern that I'm going to feel clueless once the child comes. And perhaps I will feel clueless. I've heard it's not uncommon to feel this way. Especially for your first child.

I also realized that I was feeling bad for already failing at being the mommy I wanted to be. I had these goals that when I became pregnant, I wanted to eat really healthy foods.. cut out the crap food as much as possible and be in the gym all the time so I can be a fit and healthy mommy for my unborn child. What I didn't expect was the 2 and 1/2 months of exhaustion and nausea. I was sleeping constantly and too tired to even consider the gym and could only eat things that didn't make me gag. This was mostly either comfort foods or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had heard that nuts were a good source of goodies for both baby and me. So when I found I was pregnant, I made this big bag of my favorite kinds of nuts. However, once they were mixed, I was repulsed by them. I could eat them if they were separated.. but not together. Same thing with vegetables. Mixed.. gag! Separate.. Yum! So basically.. I wasn't prepared for the food aversions, nausea or the exhaustion but I hear that it gets better in your second trimester. I hope so.. I'm feeling like a tired potato. I'm dressed for the gym today and hope I don't fall asleep on the treadmill. *thonk*

Lastly, since I've seen the ultrasound I've felt horrible about how active i've let myself be. I feel bad even sneezing or even bending over. I know that while I should be cautious about what I do, I can't let myself freak out and turn into this glass house that needs to be protected at all times. What I do have to do is trust my body more to be the safehouse that nature created it to be. I'm not going to squash the baby by sneezing! Just like I discovered before about all the advice people was giving me, telling me I can't have this, I can have that.. no .. I can't have that either... I just have to let it go, not drive myself nuts... and live in moderation. I have to have faith in my body and realize I just have to go with what it wants. I WILL still try to eat healthier and get into the gym.. but I'm not going to let the disappointment of what I wanted to be and how I failed to meet that standard depress me. My body is not my own right now. Baby has other things in mind. He/She wants to sleep or have a growth spurt... I'll take that long nap. If baby craves mac & cheese instead of raw vegetables.. Then so be it.. for now. Happy mommies make happy babies... And I've always said.. I want this child to come out laughing.
Cheers