I've had a week to let things settle in my head about the boy vs girl situation. Yeah.. I still stand on what I said about not having a clue how to relate with and raise a boy... but after thinking about it for a while.. Boys really aren't so bad. They can be really quite wonderful as long as they are brought up right and not let them become little beasties like the boy in our building. I'm excited now. I really am.
I also started to think deeper about my concerns. I still have this concern that I'm going to feel clueless once the child comes. And perhaps I will feel clueless. I've heard it's not uncommon to feel this way. Especially for your first child.
I also realized that I was feeling bad for already failing at being the mommy I wanted to be. I had these goals that when I became pregnant, I wanted to eat really healthy foods.. cut out the crap food as much as possible and be in the gym all the time so I can be a fit and healthy mommy for my unborn child. What I didn't expect was the 2 and 1/2 months of exhaustion and nausea. I was sleeping constantly and too tired to even consider the gym and could only eat things that didn't make me gag. This was mostly either comfort foods or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had heard that nuts were a good source of goodies for both baby and me. So when I found I was pregnant, I made this big bag of my favorite kinds of nuts. However, once they were mixed, I was repulsed by them. I could eat them if they were separated.. but not together. Same thing with vegetables. Mixed.. gag! Separate.. Yum! So basically.. I wasn't prepared for the food aversions, nausea or the exhaustion but I hear that it gets better in your second trimester. I hope so.. I'm feeling like a tired potato. I'm dressed for the gym today and hope I don't fall asleep on the treadmill. *thonk*
Lastly, since I've seen the ultrasound I've felt horrible about how active i've let myself be. I feel bad even sneezing or even bending over. I know that while I should be cautious about what I do, I can't let myself freak out and turn into this glass house that needs to be protected at all times. What I do have to do is trust my body more to be the safehouse that nature created it to be. I'm not going to squash the baby by sneezing! Just like I discovered before about all the advice people was giving me, telling me I can't have this, I can have that.. no .. I can't have that either... I just have to let it go, not drive myself nuts... and live in moderation. I have to have faith in my body and realize I just have to go with what it wants. I WILL still try to eat healthier and get into the gym.. but I'm not going to let the disappointment of what I wanted to be and how I failed to meet that standard depress me. My body is not my own right now. Baby has other things in mind. He/She wants to sleep or have a growth spurt... I'll take that long nap. If baby craves mac & cheese instead of raw vegetables.. Then so be it.. for now. Happy mommies make happy babies... And I've always said.. I want this child to come out laughing.
Cheers
Friday, January 16, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sounds & Sights
Wow. Ok.. so this has been a busy and emotional week.
I had my second pre-natal appt on Monday. Erik was going to come with me but unfortunately he had quite the cold and we thought it would be unwise for him to be around other pregnant women and have the possibility of getting them sick. But, I figured it would just be like last time anyway and nothing really new to discuss. Boy was I wrong. Dr. McKenzie brought out a fetal doppler and had me lay back, put some goo on my belly and started listening. It only dawned on me then just what she was listening for. Once I realized.. I nearly held my breath. Static, static, static... woosh, woosh... woosh woosh... woosh woosh!. OMG.. the baby's heart beat!!! Awwwww.. Admittedly I got a little misty eyed. Doctor said that it sounded strong. I'm so pleased. I've heard that the baby's heartbeat sounds like a race horse galloping.... I didn't hear that. I heard something that was faster than my own, but still calm. I hope that is so.. I hope baby is happy and calm.
I felt terrible that Erik wasn't here to experience this. I debated whether I should tell him... but I knew there would be no way I could keep that information to myself. We've been nursing Erik back to health because there was no way he'd miss the first ultrasound.
While heading to the ultrasound doctor's office today I felt lighter than air, bubbly and so very excited. Today we were going to see our child for the first time. So very nervous too. You read so much about the problems the child could have that it's hard not to be nervous.
Both the doctor and nurse were really pleasant and calming. They did both belly and vaginal ultrasounds. At first, it looked like a baby chicken... then the classic alien. OMG.. we're having an extra terrestrial chicken! LOL But then we got a good clear picture of baby. He/she measured just fine and passed the initial tests for Down syndrome. We saw the blood flow through the heart and baby was wiggling up a storm. It surprises me that I don't feel it yet considering just how acrobatic it was. Baby has fingers and toes and little jumpy legs! We asked if it was too early to tell if the baby was a boy or girl. The doc gave us fair warning that it's probably too early to give a definite answer. He looked and there was something between the legs. He reminded us that girls can look like this too a this stage, but there's a 51% possibility that baby Day will be a boy. It's not something to bet money on.. but just a possibility right now.
I figured we'd get a picture of baby Day today, but I had no idea about the DVD we walked home with! Baby has his or her first home movie!!
I was surprised my by reaction driving away. Erik was flying with probably more glee than I've seen in him yet. I however went into this sort of shock. Not a depression kind of shock.. but a weird realization kind of shock I suppose. I still can't fully describe it. I knew I was pregnant before the test... I heard the heartbeat and melted with this little life in me. So why did this hit me the way it did? I almost feel bad about it except for the fact that I know that I'm genuinely happy we're having this child.
My only guesses on explaining this are...
1.) Actually seeing the baby jumping around just made it all the more real... and a little odd that I have this little thing growing inside of me. But I knew this.... I don't know.
2.) I realize that I have no idea how to raise a boy. Honestly, little girls have always made me melt. Dance lessons, petite demeanor, dresses... Most of the little boys I've seen are little loud destructive beasties. It's been few and far between that I've met a little boy that I was so completely charmed over. I've grown up with girls.. I've babysat mostly girls... I have a far better grasp on raising a girl than a boy.
Please understand that we are overjoyed and feel blessed that we are having this beautiful child. I think #2 might be it though... A feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing. If baby really is a boy though.. I will do my best to raise the most charming, creative and polite little non-beastie out there.
Here is baby Day's first picture!
After the appointment we headed to the mall to do an exchange of something and thought while we were there, we'd look in the GAP Maternity store. First of all.. it turns out that 3/4ths of the store is all baby stuff. Adorable clothing I can't wait to get my little one into. Melted over mini cargo pants!! LOL But the maternity selection was bleak. It was the closet of the store basically. We did find a pair of Khaki pants and I now own my first pair of maternity pants. I've been told that there are larger stores with a far bigger selection.. but they are about a 40 minutes to drive to. It would be worth it. I love the GAP and their maternity clothes are reasonably priced... but I'm a little disappointed that I'll have to make it a "trip" instead of just popping into the mall.
Oh yeah.. last thing. My mom's cousin Karen is here visiting and she brought me the christening dress and slip that was made by Emma Kunstman (my mother's father's mother) in 1916 from her wedding dress (1913). It was worn by her 5 children, worn by their children (2nd generation), worn by me (3rd generation), and by my cousin's daughter (4th generation). It's stunning, hand sewn and remarkable as it's the only thing that I'm aware of that is a family heirloom. Baby Day shall wear it too. Thank you Karen. Thank you so very much!
Well, that's all for now. I'm positively beat and gotta get some sleep. I now know why I'm so tired all the time! It's gotta be baby Day's dancing in there!
Cheers!
I had my second pre-natal appt on Monday. Erik was going to come with me but unfortunately he had quite the cold and we thought it would be unwise for him to be around other pregnant women and have the possibility of getting them sick. But, I figured it would just be like last time anyway and nothing really new to discuss. Boy was I wrong. Dr. McKenzie brought out a fetal doppler and had me lay back, put some goo on my belly and started listening. It only dawned on me then just what she was listening for. Once I realized.. I nearly held my breath. Static, static, static... woosh, woosh... woosh woosh... woosh woosh!. OMG.. the baby's heart beat!!! Awwwww.. Admittedly I got a little misty eyed. Doctor said that it sounded strong. I'm so pleased. I've heard that the baby's heartbeat sounds like a race horse galloping.... I didn't hear that. I heard something that was faster than my own, but still calm. I hope that is so.. I hope baby is happy and calm.
I felt terrible that Erik wasn't here to experience this. I debated whether I should tell him... but I knew there would be no way I could keep that information to myself. We've been nursing Erik back to health because there was no way he'd miss the first ultrasound.
While heading to the ultrasound doctor's office today I felt lighter than air, bubbly and so very excited. Today we were going to see our child for the first time. So very nervous too. You read so much about the problems the child could have that it's hard not to be nervous.
Both the doctor and nurse were really pleasant and calming. They did both belly and vaginal ultrasounds. At first, it looked like a baby chicken... then the classic alien. OMG.. we're having an extra terrestrial chicken! LOL But then we got a good clear picture of baby. He/she measured just fine and passed the initial tests for Down syndrome. We saw the blood flow through the heart and baby was wiggling up a storm. It surprises me that I don't feel it yet considering just how acrobatic it was. Baby has fingers and toes and little jumpy legs! We asked if it was too early to tell if the baby was a boy or girl. The doc gave us fair warning that it's probably too early to give a definite answer. He looked and there was something between the legs. He reminded us that girls can look like this too a this stage, but there's a 51% possibility that baby Day will be a boy. It's not something to bet money on.. but just a possibility right now.
I figured we'd get a picture of baby Day today, but I had no idea about the DVD we walked home with! Baby has his or her first home movie!!
I was surprised my by reaction driving away. Erik was flying with probably more glee than I've seen in him yet. I however went into this sort of shock. Not a depression kind of shock.. but a weird realization kind of shock I suppose. I still can't fully describe it. I knew I was pregnant before the test... I heard the heartbeat and melted with this little life in me. So why did this hit me the way it did? I almost feel bad about it except for the fact that I know that I'm genuinely happy we're having this child.
My only guesses on explaining this are...
1.) Actually seeing the baby jumping around just made it all the more real... and a little odd that I have this little thing growing inside of me. But I knew this.... I don't know.
2.) I realize that I have no idea how to raise a boy. Honestly, little girls have always made me melt. Dance lessons, petite demeanor, dresses... Most of the little boys I've seen are little loud destructive beasties. It's been few and far between that I've met a little boy that I was so completely charmed over. I've grown up with girls.. I've babysat mostly girls... I have a far better grasp on raising a girl than a boy.
Please understand that we are overjoyed and feel blessed that we are having this beautiful child. I think #2 might be it though... A feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing. If baby really is a boy though.. I will do my best to raise the most charming, creative and polite little non-beastie out there.
Here is baby Day's first picture!
After the appointment we headed to the mall to do an exchange of something and thought while we were there, we'd look in the GAP Maternity store. First of all.. it turns out that 3/4ths of the store is all baby stuff. Adorable clothing I can't wait to get my little one into. Melted over mini cargo pants!! LOL But the maternity selection was bleak. It was the closet of the store basically. We did find a pair of Khaki pants and I now own my first pair of maternity pants. I've been told that there are larger stores with a far bigger selection.. but they are about a 40 minutes to drive to. It would be worth it. I love the GAP and their maternity clothes are reasonably priced... but I'm a little disappointed that I'll have to make it a "trip" instead of just popping into the mall.
Oh yeah.. last thing. My mom's cousin Karen is here visiting and she brought me the christening dress and slip that was made by Emma Kunstman (my mother's father's mother) in 1916 from her wedding dress (1913). It was worn by her 5 children, worn by their children (2nd generation), worn by me (3rd generation), and by my cousin's daughter (4th generation). It's stunning, hand sewn and remarkable as it's the only thing that I'm aware of that is a family heirloom. Baby Day shall wear it too. Thank you Karen. Thank you so very much!
Well, that's all for now. I'm positively beat and gotta get some sleep. I now know why I'm so tired all the time! It's gotta be baby Day's dancing in there!
Cheers!
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